Greetings to all fellow seekers of healing and self-discovery!
I will begin by posing a few questions: Do we all carry traumas? How do traumas manifest in our lives? And how can we grow beyond them? Let’s delve into these inquiries together…
The term “trauma,” derived from Latin, signifies wounding. It occurs when we face highly stressful, frightening, or distressing events that challenge our coping abilities and are beyond our control. Trauma can be a singular incident or an ongoing experience spanning an extended period. Most of us will encounter events in our lives that qualify as traumatic. These need not be catastrophic occurrences like accidents, assault, or natural disasters; they can be as seemingly simple as a caregiver not providing enough attention or love, where our basic needs go unmet. We’ve all been exposed to such overwhelming and excessive events in life, prompting our nervous system to create adaptive mechanisms to survive the pain or fear they induce.
Trauma, in essence, occurs within us, not to us. These memories reside in our bodies and manifest in various ways, such as nightmares, insomnia, irritability, anxiety, chronic pain, depression, self-destructive behaviors, numbness, dissociation, mental illness, or addictions. Unresolved trauma can even contribute to the development of physical ailments like cancers and shape our worldview through the filtered perspective of the Adaptive Child, which might perceive the world as a dreadful place.
Trauma imposes limitations, constricts us, and can be profoundly painful. To survive, we develop adapted mechanisms, often blaming external triggers for the pain we feel. However, the true source lies within us, and resolution requires addressing the root cause rather than external factors. Healing from trauma emerges when we consciously choose to respond rather than react, cultivating the Functional Adult to replace unhealthy responses formed during past survival experiences.
Our bodies possess innate wisdom, constantly seeking ways to heal and align with their best capacity. Healing isn’t about the absence of danger but the presence of connection. Cultivating healthy forms of intimacy, connection, and fully embodying and expressing emotions from past events can help dismantle distorted beliefs built on shame or guilt, gradually building trust and love to affirm, “I am enough, I deserve, love is safe, the world is a good place, and it’s OK to be ME.”
One effective approach to recovering from and healing trauma involves developing the Functional Adult, who brings awareness to the defense mechanisms of the Adapted Child. Witnessing these patterns allows us to drop these defenses, entering the trauma vortex held by the Wounded Child. The key lies in expressing primary feelings from past experiences while anchored in the Inner Adult, facilitating a profound experience where both the trauma vortex and counter vortex coexist. Reliving the pain and completing the fight-or-flight response within the safety of our bodies widens the window of tolerance in our nervous system, initiating the healing process.
A powerful tool in cultivating the Functional Adult is centering or grounding meditation, continuously returning to the breath and present moment sensations. Personally, I find self-inquiry questions invaluable for navigating the vast ocean of triggers and projections. Often, our pain arises from creating the worst possible interpretations, stemming from our nervous system’s instinct to ensure survival. By objectively examining triggers, asking a few questions, and exploring different interpretations, we may discover more accurate and truthful perspectives.
The next time strong emotions arise, causing upset with someone or something, take a moment for reflection. Contemplate these five questions and then engage with the person involved, sharing your feelings and taking ownership of your projections. This practice often enables me to perceive reality not only through my lens but also from the perspective of others.
1. What has happened to me?
2. What was my emotional reaction?
3. What was my interpretation of this situation?
4. What are other interpretations of this situation?
5. Is this familiar to me?
Our nervous system tends to favor the familiar hell over the unfamiliar heaven; it wires to trauma and storing traumatic experiences. Its primary role is to keep us safe, choosing defense mechanisms from the Adaptive Child. Stepping into the unknown, even if intimidating, establishes a connection with unfamiliar heaven. Comfort, meanwhile, represents a familiar hell. Taking steps and embracing discomfort, even when scary, allows us to wire our system to new responses, forging fresh neurological connections in our brains to rewire for safety, love, compassion, intimacy, and joy.
With heartfelt compassion and dedication,
Nisarga Eryk Dobosz
