Greetings to all fellow seekers of healing and self-discovery!
Have you ever wondered about those relentless voices in our heads? You know, the ones that always seem to have something critical to say, nudging us, making harsh comments about ourselves? How often do you find yourself tangled in their web?
Let’s say hello to our Inner Critic – that enigmatic force, also known as the super ego. Picture this: it’s the playground of your psyche, where the seeds of self-doubt were sown during those tender years between one and eight. Maybe it was a moment of shame, a harsh criticism that etched its mark, leaving you feeling small, inadequate, or unworthy. That, my friend, is the voice of our inner critic – the architect of our self-imposed limitations, the sentinel guarding us from stepping into our full potential.
These voices often visit me. No matter how well I perform in my work, training, or sessions with my clients; afterward, these criticizing voices flood my mind, speaking unkindly about me. This sometimes disconnects me from the joy and self-worth that I should rightfully feel. How often do you hear these voices and in what circumstances?
We must get to know this Inner Critic, living rent-free in our mind: when it appears, what it says, the tone of its voice, who it represents, how it manifests, when it arises, its gender, which part of the body it affects, whether it sounds human, and whether it’s an inner voice or seems to come from outside of us. Is it angry or nagging?
The Inner Critic can be our worst enemy, making us feel small and impotent. We need to investigate it with curiosity, awareness and kindness to understand it better. If we try to suppress, avoid, or cut ourselves off from it, it usually returns with even greater force, criticizing us for trying to silence it. How often do you find yourself caught in this loop of criticizing your inner critic for being too harsh on yourself? That’s the vicious circle we need to break.
So, take a moment to think about the qualities of your super ego today, to begin understanding it more. When we bring conscious awareness to the roots of these voices, they start losing their power over us.
The next phase is to bring awareness to the present moment and to catch those critical voices with self-love and compassion. We often see so much beauty, potential, and light in others, and we would never speak to others the way we allow our Inner Critic to speak to us. Yet, we often believe and trust these inner voices. It’s time to start seeing ourselves in the mirror the way we see others: with self-love, care, compassion, and appreciation. Whenever we notice ourselves being unkind or overly harsh, we must commit to speaking to ourselves with kindness and appreciation, acknowledging the many wonderful qualities we possess. If the Inner Critic returns, we need to assertively tell it that we no longer tolerate its harsh comments and that it must speak to us kindly or leave us alone. Find your own way to deal with it; you can use humor, jokes, or engage in inner dialogue. Sometimes, these critical voices can offer practical insights for our lives, but it’s crucial to approach them from the perspective of a mature, functional adult who can objectively assess situations without shame, guilt, or feelings of unworthiness.
Another effective method to recognize and become familiar with the Inner Critic is through writing exercises and journaling. Dedicate time daily for 21 consecutive days to spend 5-10 minutes in the morning answering questions such as: What do I think of myself? Am I appreciative or critical of myself? How do I feel about the size, shape, or colour of my body? At the end, write three words to describe yourself, starting with “I am someone who…” Reflect on and contemplate your responses. Pay attention to the tone of voice in your head while writing. Were you kind, supportive, and loving to yourself, or not? Identify who was present when you wrote and recognize what aspects of the writing provoke the Inner Critic and why. This exercise is an excellent way to befriend and recognize the triggers and ways in which we criticize ourselves.
Healing occurs when we begin to trust and surrender to the flow of life, letting go of the voices that bind us to the illusion of perfection. This allows us to reclaim our right to experience the soft sensations of our bodies in safety and peace. In this way, we can disempower the voices of the superego through humour, mockery, visualization, assertiveness, pushing them away, or engaging in mature conversations from an adult perspective. These are mechanisms you can employ at any time. Sometimes, I imagine an old-school stereo with a volume knob where I can turn down the volume whenever I want to silence my Inner Critic. Thank you, but that’s enough; I don’t need you right now. You can speak to me with kindness, but this tone is not acceptable.
For in the end, my friend, it is our ability to embrace our Inner Critic with love and understanding that sets us free. It is our willingness to confront our shadows and bask in the brilliance of our light that propels us towards healing and wholeness. Let’s embark on this journey of self-discovery, armed with curiosity and compassion. Let’s dismantle the barriers erected by our inner critic and reclaim our birthright to joy and self-worth. It’s time to break free from the shackles of self-doubt and step into the radiant light of our authenticity.
With heartfelt compassion and dedication,
Nisarga Eryk Dobosz
